What if a Wedding Planner Isn't in My Budget

There's nothing that says you HAVE to have a wedding planner, even if I'm a firm believer that a wedding planner will make your life so much easier and your day so much more of what you envisioned that he or she would be well worth the investment. However, I'm a realist and I know that a wedding planner may not be for everyone for any number of reasons.

Wedding planners are relatively new to the wedding planning spectrum.  They've only been on the scene for about the last 20 years or so and began within the domain of a privileged few who had the financial resources to hire someone to plan their wedding soiree.  For that reason, many still perceive bridal consultants as being for the well-to-do.  In fact, a bridal consultant can be a tremendous asset for the not-so-well-to-do, but that's a blog for another day.

This is for those couples who want to join countless others and plan their own weddings.  Following are some notes that you might find helpful along the way; little things I've learned over 13 years of helping couples and their families through the process.

1.  Organization, organization, organization!  A good wedding starts with excellent organization.  While owning a beautiful commercially prepared planner binder is nice, you can save yourself about $30 by going to the office supply store and buying a 3-ring binder with at least a 3 inch (5 inch is better) spine, tabbed dividers and pocket dividers or page protectors.    Each tab will be for a specific catagory: ceremony site, reception site, catering, cake, flowers, music,  photography and videography, transportation, printing and invitations, equipment rental and miscellaneous.  You can even include a tab called "inspiration" to hold pictures and notes of ideas that you'd like to incorporate in your day.

Each category will house contracts and service agreements, contact information, receipts and notes as well as pictures of details that fall into that category.  Once you have the details, you will want to rough in a schedule of the flow of your wedding weekend.  Keep a monthly calendar in the front of your binder to keep track of appointments and obligations such as when you're going to get your marriage license.  Creating that physical sense or organization in the form of an orderly binder of all of your information will also serve to keep you mentally organized and a little less stressed.

2.  Get referrals about vendors from other vendors.  Your ceremony site coordinator may know some great florists.  Your florist may know some lovely venues large enough for your guest list that you hadn't considered before.  Your photographer may know some of the best caterers in town.  The DJ might be a good source of information about videographers or photo booths.  In any community, event service providers tend to be a tightly-knit group and they often know who is good and not-so-good; making them an excellent source of information. 

3.  Get it in writing!  Having spent the better part of my career life in the insurance claims industry, I came to appreciate the value of a good contract or service agreement.  Any vendor worth his or her salt will provide you with something in writing that details exactly what product they will provide or what service(s) they will perform for you, what it will cost and what conditions apply (such as cancellation).  While verbal contracts can be legally binding, they are particularly hard to prove and leave too much room for doubt.  In my world, if it's not in writing, there is no promise of service.  A contract helps avoid confusion and it protects the interests of both the vendor and the client.  It averts misunderstandings and even provides possible legal recourse in cases where the vendor fails to perform the agreed service.

4. Don't try to work your own wedding.  I realize this is easier said than done but neither you nor your mother should be working your wedding day.  Your mother is almost as high profile as you are.  "Mother of the Bride" should be privileged status; she's your hostess.  People want to talk to her and she wants to greet your guests.

Your wedding day flies by almost as fast as the speed of light.  In some cases, you've been planning that day for months, if not years (I've worked with some couples as long as 2 1/2 years!)  You want to be able to enjoy this day you've worked so hard to create.  You should try to savor the moments as much as you can so you'll have some of your own memories of the day and not just the ones created by your photographer.  For that reason, if you know a neighbor, co-worker, distant relative or other acquaintance who has a reputation of being well-organized, not easily ruffled and one who thinks well on their feet, ask that person if they'll orchestrate the day for you.  Also, enlist the help of friends and family to do any decoration or set-up and end-of-day tear-down or clean-up for you.  What better gift could anyone give you than their labor to make sure your wedding day goes smoothly for you?

5. And finally, try to focus on the marriage more than the just the wedding day.  So many brides lose sight of the fact that their big day is the precursor to a life together; a commitment of 2 lives joined as one.  They become so focused on the minutae of the wedding day that it becomes an obsession, resulting in a post wedding day let-down that is almost like post-partum blues, complete with tears.  That was the day the bride was a princess and the center of attention.  For some, the day was all about her and revolved solely around her like the best dream imaginable.  Now , people have gone home, the flowers are wilted, the cake is in crumbs, the food is eaten and the dress is wrinkled and stained hanging in a corner.  Reality comes crashing back in.

When you were a child, do you remember that feeling of gleeful anticipation leading up to Christimas?  And, no matter how great Christmas day was, do you remember the let-down feeling you had the day after when the gifts were put away and Christmas was officially over?  For many brides, it can be that feeling on steroids.  To avoid that sense of loss, focus on something after the wedding; a honeymoon, a visit with friends or a special project.  Keep your wedding day in perspective and don't let it consume you.  Enjoy it for all it is meant to be but don't let it be the end-all and be-all.  Let it be a beginning point to the adventure that marriage can be.  Best wishes to all of you who are or will soon be embarking on planning this most meaningful milepost in your lives together.